We have all heard the bias comments to young mothers, questioning their ability to bring a little child into this world, and the responsibilities that go along with that enormous responsibility. It never usually goes over well, as the mother is either pregnant (can’t turn back now), has the child, or deeply desires to have a child. It doesn’t matter if the woman is married, divorced, or single because at some point they will all face scrutiny of some form. There are five common themes with comments that are made to all mothers in their parenthood journey, and I will explain them below.
Comment #1 “You are having a child? But you are nothing more than a child yourself!”
This one always gets me chuckling when I hear someone say this to a woman who has just found out she is with child. The beauty of having children is that they take close to a year to come into the world. You have time to grow up, and get organized when you find out you are pregnant. If you are truly a child under 18 that is having a child, there are many organizations to help you find an adoptive home for your baby, and or offer support if you decide to keep the baby. I am referring to women who are perfectly capable of having kids and taking care of them, yet are treated in a way that makes them feel like they are not.
Comment #2 “ You need to get yourself in order before thinking of having kids.”
First of all, what does this really mean? There is no perfect time to have kids, and life will always be crazy busy. If you sit around to wait for the perfect house, job, and financial situation you may never have kids. There is no perfect time to have them, but it is important that you are able to provide the child an ample living environment with basic needs.
Comment #3 “ Don’t you miss being young?”
Just because you have kids at a younger age, does not mean you are stripped of feeling your youth. If anything, you will have more energy to play with your children and you will be able to relate to them even more when they are older. The children come into your life, and they adapt to your activities and lifestyle not vise versa.
Comment #4 “ You should wait until your family and friends start having kids.”
I find this comment somewhat insulting, as it is no ones true business when a woman should and should not have kids. It is completely up to the couple, despite what everyone else is doing. Just because your child will not have a playmate from your family and friends does not mean they won’t have any friends at all. There are plenty of children in the world being born daily, which will give your children many friend options in the meantime.
Comment #5 “You will never have a nice body again.”
This one tops the cake for me, as I take health and fitness very serious. If you maintain your fitness while being pregnant, the amount of time it takes to get your pre-pregnant body back, and actual labor recovery times will be reduced significantly. There are millions of women out in the world that deliver babies, and then are back to normal within six months to a year’s time with a little hard work. You CAN have a nice body, and have a wonderful kiddo too.
Always remember to think twice before making any fast comments to a mother-to-be as it can rub a relationship the wrong way. Think positively, as well as provide logical advice to her so she can actually benefit from the conversation. Never act like her world is ending, because quite frankly it is just truly beginning!